Some Dreams Just Need Killing: More Advice for the ’99 Percent’ Movement

     

Because they’re still desperately in need of our help, here’s more advice for the Occupy Wall Street protesters, originally published on October 14, 2011 at Human Events:

Finished high school and accumulated trade jobs instead of college debt. Worked hard to make myself indispensable at work while living cheaply with roommates. Used birth control. Acquired no credit cards, cash only. Excised unhealthy habits (and people) from my life and focused on maintaining a strong and healthy body instead of paying for health insurance. Had a vasectomy. Used visualization techniques to augment my mental health. Lived within my means and did what made me happy and never trusted a system I had to depend on.

I AM NOT THE 99% BUT I AM NOT THE 1%, EITHER

Dear Snipped Seducer,

Dude, oversharing about your vasectomy has to be one of the worst pickup schemes we’ve ever seen.

‘Hey, baby, are you up for a little shooting practice? Fair warning, I can fire blanks all … night … long.’

Please, please tell us that announcing your boys can’t swim was just part of your hilarious trolling of the 99 Percenters. Because if it’s really one of your super smooth moves, defanging the ol’ cobra may have been wishful thinking on your part.

On the plus side, Rico Suave, your ‘visualization techniques’ will surely come in handy when you’re bagging the only piece of tail within your reach–yourself.

But nice job living within your means. There’s clearly a vas deferens between you and the 99 Percent Movement.

Read more at Human Events.

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